Stsenka Nomera Dlia Novogodnei Elki U Starsheklassnikov -

Exhausted, holding a coffee cup that is definitely empty.

(Hoisting his red sack) Look, I’ve updated the brand. I’m not "Ded Moroz" anymore. I’m "Father Crypto." Instead of candy, I’m giving out QR codes to my failed NFT project. stsenka nomera dlia novogodnei elki u starsheklassnikov

(Ignoring her) Picture this: The clock strikes twelve. Instead of a gift, a giant envelope falls from the sky. It’s the university entrance results. Exhausted, holding a coffee cup that is definitely empty

Because "normal" is for the fifth graders. They still think the tree lights up by magic. We know it lights up because the school’s electrical wiring is from 1974 and it’s a fire hazard. I’m "Father Crypto

The scene is set in a high school assembly hall, decorated with a slightly lopsided Christmas tree and silver tinsel. Characters:

(Checking her watch) Okay, people! This is our last New Year’s skit before graduation. It needs to be profound. It needs to be Shakespearean. It needs to represent the transition from childhood to the cold, hard reality of adulthood!

Overachiever, holding a massive stack of "New Year’s Resolutions."